Onlooker
by Booksong
Summary: Where was Mai, on the day Zuko received his father's punishment? A drabble that relives that fateful day...through Mai's eyes. Maiko.


**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Mike and Bryan, all right?! Do you have to keep reminding me of what I don't have?**

**A/N: I always wondered where Mai was on...that day. This is just seeing things from her POV, for once. **

* * *

**Onlooker**

"…Prince Zuko…"

Mai lifted her head instantly at his name. It was a reflex now, each time he was mentioned in conversation. It made her feel at least a little like a part of his life, that she could know the latest on what was happening to him.

Her father, holding her hand in a firm, commanding grip, looked down at her curiously, feeling her sudden change in attitude. Mai quickly looked at the floor again, hiding her involuntary blush. She hadn't yet learned to mask her reaction to him, although she was trying, out of sheer necessity. She didn't want anyone, much less her stiff and formal parents, to know how she felt about…Prince Zuko.

She always turned his name into a half-sigh in her mind.

But she strained her ears to catch more of the conversation between the two officials they were passing, the ones who had spoken about him. Mai tried to slow her steps, but her father dragged her resolutely along.

"I still can't quite believe it…to have that much sheer boldness…"

Were they still talking about Zuko? She liked to think so. From watching him from afar, she had learned far more than most other people probably saw of the prince; how he and his mother were always laughing together, the way he and Azula clashed, the way he practiced with his knife in the courtyard, and gave leftover crusts to the turtleducks. And of course, she thought often about the time he had saved her, pushing her into a fountain. And he always smiled and said hello to her whenever they saw each other, which never failed to make her feel good for the remainder of the day. And one time he had actually walked with her in the courtyard, holding her hand in a warm, friendly way that had made her stomach flutter uncontrollably. That was the day she had first allowed herself to entertain the crazy idea that he might like her too. She tried not to let her feelings for him overwhelm her from seeing the true Zuko, but he just seemed so…good. Not at all like his cold-eyed father.

Mai tried to casually dig her heels into the floor a little, still trying to slow her father enough so she could catch the rest of the conversation.

"Did you hear about the punishment? Leave it to Fire Lord Ozai to think up something like that…"

Mai's eyes widened. Punishment? What had happened for Zuko to merit a punishment so public that people in the halls were discussing it?

"What's gotten into you, Mai?"

She hadn't realized that she had stopped walking altogether. Now her father looked down at her with a disapproving frown, and gave a harsh tug on her wrist. "Come along now."

Under any other circumstances, she wouldn't have dared ask her father, but somehow the words just came out. "Dad…what did Prince Zuko do?"

Her father pursed his lips. "That's not really for you to know. Those guards were being irresponsible even discussing it. It's strictly royal business."

"But Daddy…"

Her father gave another jerk on her hand. "Mai, I have a lot to do. Stop whining and come along."

Mai knew it was useless to try again, so she did the only thing she could. She started walking again, settling her calm expression into place, but she listened with all her might to the last snatches of talk.

"…spoke out against the general…total breach of respect, they said…going to challenge him…Agni Kai."

_Agni Kai._

Mai felt her insides turn to ice. She had watched a fire duel before. It had been fast, and deadly, and merciless. She thought of Zuko's young, open face, the concentration in his eyes whenever he practiced with his knife or his bending, what he sounded like when he laughed.

They were going to make him fight.

Her footsteps echoed hollowly on the floor in her own ears. She was no longer paying attention to where they were going.

****

It sounded like a sporting event, or a crowd gathering on a holiday to listen to a speech. So much talking, murmuring, even some laughter.

Mai thought dead silence would have been better.

She had been torn all day long on whether or not to come. Never in her life had she agonized so much over something. It was an entirely new feeling, and she didn't like it.

Finally, before she had a chance to change her mind, she had snuck out; the first time she had openly defied her parents. It was a terrifying and exhilarating feeling.

She just hoped she wouldn't regret it.

The alcove was small, just a tiny crawlspace at the top of the arena, hidden from the sight of anyone who happened to glance her way.

Suddenly, the voices of the crowd surged. Mai snuck a look around the edge of the wall.

There he was.

He walked onto the arena without a trace of fear, his head held high. He was clothed in nothing but a short set of pants and a red tapestry that was wrapped around him like a cape. There was confidence, sure and steady, in every inch of his body.

And despite the circumstances, she felt her heart surge. There was no one else like him. No other fourteen-year-old would walk forward to fight an Agni Kai without fear. He had to be the bravest person she had ever seen.

Later on, it felt so ironic that it was almost perverse…but she loved him in that moment.

And for a moment, she let herself believe he might win.

And then the shadow approached from the other end of the arena. Zuko's opponent. And when the challenger stepped into the light of the torches…

She couldn't believe what she was seeing. It had to be a joke…it had to be some twisted, cruel joke.

It was Fire Lord Ozai…Zuko's father.

Mai shoved her fist against her mouth to force back the cry that had choked itself into her throat. But from that moment on, she was rooted to the floor. She couldn't have moved if her life depended on it.

She watched, with a kind of detached horror, as Ozai advanced, throwing his own cloak aside. She saw the look that crossed Zuko's face as he recognized the man he had to fight. It was the single most devastating expression she had ever seen. The sight of it went straight to her heart, so strong it made her wonder if she had ever really felt at all before.

So much pain and disbelief, fear and horror should not exist on that face, the young, smooth face full of kindness and fire and laughter and determination. That face didn't cry, as the teenager down below on the arena floor did now, sobbing and pleading.

"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."

For years to come, Mai would wonder about that moment; that infinitely long second where she perhaps could have acted. Would it have changed anything, if she had stood up then and shouted some word of defiance to the entire audience? Maybe she should have. Even if it meant suffering with him, maybe it would have been better than remaining silent. And later, she would brood endlessly over that possibility.

But she didn't act. Even though every part of her was rebelling against it, shouting in silent agony, "_Not Zuko_!"

What had the Fire Nation become?

The fire blast itself made a noise. It was a kind of rushing, sucking roar, exploding in a starburst of light that illuminated every corner of the arena, throwing every face and every object into stark relief.

And immediately upon it came the scream.

Mai remembered later being thrust into a place beyond feeling when she heard it. She was too numb to do anything but stare at the floor on which she knelt, listening to that endless cry. She was vaguely aware that she was shaking, but it didn't seem to matter much. And when the sound broke off abruptly, as Zuko passed out from sheer pain, she raised a trembling hand to her face and found it soaked with tears.

She never forgot the sound, as long as she lived. During the years of his banishment, it would haunt her. She would wake from nightmares where it echoed in her ears. Sometimes she would stop dead in the middle of knife practice, or getting dressed, rendered immobile by the memory of that feral scream.

It was on that day that she learned how to perfect the emotionless mask she had been working on for so long. Because as the room emptied and the royal physicians converged on the limp form of the crown prince, Mai stood, and left the arena, wiping her cheeks clean of tears. And she knew she would never have trouble summoning that dead look to her face again.

****

She didn't see him again, before he left with his uncle to hunt the Avatar and pursue his only chance of restoring his place in the nation. Because when she mounted the stairs, ready to rush down to the beach and say goodbye to him properly, maybe even to dare enough for a hug or a caress, she stopped halfway. She looked at the white bandage that hid half his face, and the way his visible eye was narrowed with a bitter fury. He shoved aside the concerned ministrations of his uncle, who tried to lay a soothing hand on his shoulder. She saw the way he looked out to sea, his once smooth and handsome face hard. There was not the friendly softness, the fierce spirit that had once hovered about him. Not the wide-eyed concern that had possessed him when he had tackled her into the fountain. Not the warm shyness on his face when he had walked with her beneath the trees in the courtyard. Not the warrior-like concentration on his face as he practiced his fighting skills. And not the proud, regal confidence of that teenager walking to face an Agni Kai with his back straight and his chin lifted, clutching the banner of his nation about him like a robe.

Too bitter. Too angry. Too vengeful. Too pained.

Mai closed her eyes and turned away.

He was not her Zuko anymore.

She did not stay to watch the ship leave.


End file.
